The Year 2006

As I looked at my past, specifically the days of 2006, it both made me smile and sigh … here’s why …

Good and/or Happy Memories:

NPI show – Jan to April
New Car! – April
July 2 @ Mapang-akit St.
Went to Tacloban and met new bunch of friends – May to August
ING, Tt and MEAR contracts – January to October
Got reunited with God last August
Got friends with John again - February
The Break-up – December

Not so Good and/or Sad Memories:

Oral defamation from John – February
YK incident – August
Sept 15-16, 2005 revelation
Mid September to early November physical battles and oral defamation from KMSM
The Break-up – December

Now, that I have listed both the good and the not-so-good ones, I can say that it has not been a bad year after all. What’s important is that I learned a lot from all those listed above. My dad once told me, “no matter how bad and/or sad a memory of something is, it still enriched you as a person” … and it did!

sayonara twenty ‘o six, konichiwa twenty ‘o seven :-)

This Is It!

I’ve just got out of a relationship … a relationship which I will forever look back with both smile and pity to myself. I’m currently in the midst of nowhere, trying to compose myself back and doing my best to stand to whatever is left of me. I know this wouldn’t be easy, the way I’m feeling right now wouldn’t change in a blink. Though wounds may heal, there would be scars … and those scars will be with me for the longest time.


Here’s a note for you …

I’m sorry for all the shits I’ve caused you …
Sorry for causing you hurt and pain …
I wanna let you know that though we ended up this way, you will forever be my one and only BABY. I’ve never loved anyone the way I loved you.

:(

gd bye 2006, hello 2007

a few days left and it's twenty 'o seven ...
i'm kinda having mixed emotions here -
excited, nervous, happy, etc ...

no matter what that year brings, i say,
"Thy Will Be Done".

things will happen if they are meant to happen.
be ready, pray, and you just have to T ... Trust!

:-) Happy New Year

what the f***!

the hell of this shitty stomach ache, it's eating me alive and it's killing me. damn, i hate it.

Best and Worst

I used to wonder,

"can your Best be your Worst"???

Now, I stand here before y'all with the answer ....

Yes, because, My Best is also my Worst ....
but the hell of it, She is still the BEST!!!

... the greatest thing in life is LOVE, and love conquers all ...

that's why My Best is Worst ... yet my Worst is my BEST!!!



(:

Baby, Be The One...

I can think of nothing better

Than to know the one you love

For as long as we've been together

We should open up my heart yeah

If I gave you my heart

Would you be the one that I love

If I told you my feelings

Would you be the one that I trust

Would you make sure everything's fine

Would you hold me close tonight

Would you be the one that I love

Will you hold me tonight I feel like breaking down the walls

Welcome you into my world

I'm not afraid of what you find in me

I just want us to be closer, yeah

Confide in me, tell me all your fears

I wanna be, the one that you depend on

To share a dream, forget about the hard times that we'll face

Let's go all the way

a new beginning

A chapter of my life just ended and started last 16 September 2006. My life’s greatest chapter (so I thought) was crashed, everything down the drain with just a blink. I was unable to save a thing, just memories --- both happy and painful. I dunno what’ll happen next … my fairytale didn’t have a happy ending, instead, it left me sobbing and wondering to a lot of things.

In the middle of my quests for answers, I felt a set of arms embraced me … grabbed my hand and took me inside for a talk. The next thing I knew, I was already starting a new chapter of my life …

A new chapter with the same person …

I hope this would be The One … She would be The ONE!!!

Deep SHITTT!

A lot have changed, I, myself don’t even know who I’am now. I used to be the jolly, worry-free kikay gurl who loves to mingle with people … but now, I prefer to be alone, alone with no one but myself – stare at the ceiling and cry, talk to myself and/or to God and cry, watch the twinkle of the stars at night and cry, and think think and think and cry still … think as to what happened to me and to my life.

I miss the way I used to be … things are a lot different now … I dunno what happened and how it happened, I dunno when it started … all I know is that its damn killing me, eating me alive, and I couldn’t find the way out or the fucking cure to this piece of shit.

** commercial, let’s light a stick of cigar to that, Damn life **

I’m currently standing in the dark and turmoil surrounds me. I’m lost and so disoriented in this perilous journey to no where.

I wanna go back to my old self, I miss the way I used to be.

Making your way in the world today

Takes everything you've got;

Taking a break from all your worries

Sure would help a lot.

Wouldn't you like to get away?

All those night when you've got no lights,

The check is in the mail;

And your little angel

Hung the cat up by it's tail;

And your third fiance didn't show;

Sometimes you want to go

Where everybody knows your name,

And they're always glad you came;

You want to be where you can see,

Our troubles are all the same;

You want to be where everybody knows your name.

Roll out of bed, Mr. Coffee's dead;

The morning's looking bright;

And your shrink ran off to Europe,

And didn't even write;

And your husband wants to be a girl;

Be glad there's one place in the world

Where everybody knows your name,

And they're always glad you came;

You want to go where people know,

People are all the same;

You want to go where everybody knows your name.

Where everybody knows your name,

And they're always glad you came;

Where everybody knows your name,

And they're always glad you came;

Birthday Blues ...

What's so special about today?

Ahh it's my birthday!

Got something special for me,

Anybody? ... God?

Oh life, life oh life ...

It's almost 3AM and I've gotta get some sleep,

Let's see what's instore for me today ...

As I turn 29 ...

Sigh .... sad ... :(

2:48AM, 29 Aug 2006

... alipin ...

ikaw ay mahalaga sa akin
di ko man maisip
sa pagtulog ikaw ang panaginip
malabo man ang aking pag-iisip
sana'y pakinggan mo
ang sigaw nitong damdamin
ako'y alipin mo kahit hindi batid
aaminin ko minsan ako'y manhid
sana ay iyong naririnig
sa 'yong yakap ako'y nasasabik
ayoko sa iba
sa yo ako ay hindi magsasawa
ano man ang yong sabihin
umasa ka ito ay diringgin
madalas man na parang
aso at pusa giliw
sa piling mo ako ay masaya
ako'y alipin mo kahit hindi batid
aaminin ko minsan ako'y manhid
sana ay iyong naririnig
sa 'yong yakap ako'y nasasabik
pilit mang abutin ang mga tala
basta sa akin wag kang mawawala...
ako'y alipin mo kahit hindi batid
aaminin ko minsan ako'y manhid
sana ay iyong naririnig
sa 'yong yakap ako'y nasasabik
pagkat ikaw lang ang nais makatabi
malamig man o mainit ang gabi
nais ko sanang iparating
na ikaw lamang ang aking iibigin

No Matter...

No matter where I'am,
No matter what I do,
No matter what the situation is ...
I LOVE YOU!!.

From here to eternity

After twenty eight years of living a single life, of being a happy-go-lucky kikay gurl,

I finally arrived to a decision of taking someone to be my life-long partner.

With this action, I know I have strucked a few, and will shock more …

but DUHHH, the hell do I care.

This is me and this is my life,

I’m just living my life to the fullest, and I just want to be happy.

On the other hand,

I would like you all to know that I’m happily married …

I love my wife so dearly and I wouldn’t allow anything to come our way.

She’s a living proof that God truly exists.

To my angel in disguise …

I, JKCR, take you, KMSM
To be my life partner,
Knowing in my heart
That you will be my constant friend,
And my One true love.

On this special day,
I affirm you
In the presence of God
And our friends present today
My sacred promise
To stay by your side as your life partner,
In sickness and in health,
In joy and in sorrow,
In good times and bad times.

I promise to love you without reservation,
Honor and respect you,
Comfort you in times of distress,
Laugh with you and cry with you,
Grow with you in mind and in spirit,
Always be open and honest with you,
And cherish you
FROM HERE TO ETERNITY!!!

KMSM, with this ring, I wed you.
With my body I honor you.
With all my heart and soul,
I will always love you.
Wear this ring
As a sign of my commitment to love,
Honor and respect you.
Wear it as a symbol of our unity.
And when we are apart,
Let it remind you of my love.

a glimpse ...

for better or for worse,

for richer or for poorer,

in sickness and in health,

'till death do us part!

... baby, i love you so much!

Lights, Camera, ACTION!

“Everybody quiet, camera rolling … ACTION!!!” - Am I ready for this?

When I started practicing psychism, I never thought that one day I would see myself in front of the screen talking about the unseen ones. I decided to open my third eye for the reasons that I simply wanna learn and understand the world of the unseen, practice white magic and explore the unexplored abovementioned world … I said to myself, “this is gonna be fun, ghost hunting and stuff … it takes courage and guts to do such action, hahaha” … --- that’s how it all started, plus my exposure with some psychic friends help paved the way.

It was in September 2005 when one of the big bosses of ABS-CBN learned about my skill and offered me to be part of a show. After quite sometime, everything is now in action, I did a VTR last January, a photo shoot last month, profile shoot for the show’s OBB last February 22, and a quest last Monday … whewww, what’s next, I DUNNO KNOW!!! Geeshh my face and my name will weekly appear on studio 23 --- people will see me, whether or not I’d get recognized by the public, is this what I want??? One way or another, whether I like it or not, I’m now TV personality (excuse me, I’m not a talent!!!)

I remember during the management meeting, one of the bosses told us that this would bring changes in our lives, we have to be extra careful with our actions and everything, we have to behave ourselves and be discreet at all times… gimmicks --- lessen! Whewww!!! Again, I ask myself … is this what I want???

Now that the show has been launched, on cam or off cam I have to be on-guard with everything, damn!! I’m just a plain Filipino citizen who happened to be one of ABS-CBN’s psychic … so to my friends, I’d still be the same person to y’all.

For the Nth time, is this what I want???

My answer … I don’t know, I really don’t know.

just scribbling ...

another day here at home ... i dunno what's gonna happen later .... tonight ... tomorrow or whenever. sigh ... life is such a pc of, i dunno...

as of the moment, there's one thing i'm so sure of, and that's I LOVE KYLA! i love her more than anything in this world. my life changed alot since she came into my life, HAPPY and CONTENTED. yes we do encounter some misunderstandings once in awhile, glad that we were able to patch things up the right way.

kyla - she's the pillar of my life, the one and only pillar i have in my life!

as for the other happenings in my life ... sigh ... i want something to keep me busy; whether a new job or start a business (consulting firm or whatever). the guillermo racket is, wheww, i dunno what's taking them so long. the abs-cbn thingy is now in action (as compared to last year) ... but that thing isn't something that'll keep me busy, shoots/quests aren't that regular, it's a once a week or twice a week thingy. sigh, i dunno ... btw, you know what, i wanna volunteer myself to leyte, help the victims of the landslide incident. i know it's so unlikely of me, but i really i wanna do it, i guess i have to start contacting help agencies and inquire as to how i could do that kawanggawa deed.

oh well, this is all for now ....

The Renewed, the chick magnet and the relationship freak!

If I were to pick just three guy friends, I already have three persons in mind; a renewed lawyer, a chick magnet lawyer and a relationship freak manager! Hahaha, these three guys are the BEST pals one could ever have. We’re all friends, just imagine our composition - a kikay drama queen, a “nagbabagong—buhay na asawa sa kanyang may-bahay, a chick-magnet and cuddly atty-at-law and a relationship freak and heart-throb manager, DAMN!!! Whatta blast!!!

We’ve gone through a lot, from laughters, tears, joys, problems, triumphs, and victories … we’re all there for one another! Bumaha man o bumagyo, tuloy ang kampai!!! Kampai to our friendship!!!

These guys are definitely the one’s to Keep. Wanna know the secret of our friendship … just be yourself, regardless of who you are and what you are --- no more, no less!

New Year!

New year … New hopes, new happenings, new issues, new frustrations and more new happy and/or depressing things that’ll come the way.

But have you ever wondered on what’s there to come? Sigh, I dunno what’s instore for me for this year … Lead me Lord.

Will I be strong enough as the past years? Will I still have the courage I posses, will I still be able to handle things the way I used to? Will I still endure life as it is?

A lot of people including my family think’s I’m strong and brave. But honestly, I’m a weakling … brave??, yeah, to face all my curiosity and to satisfy my hunger on things, but to face problems and heartaches, dang! I’m a weakling! I’m like an infant who needs to be cuddled … a helpless infant who does nothing but weep.

Suicide thoughts, O.D. attempts, smoking my lungs out, are just a few things I used to do whenever I have problems which I can’t pacify … will I still indulge into those things this year??? – Nahh (hopefully not), I made a “pinky swear” with duuude.

But what is it that’s really there, waiting to be unwrapped and explored? Oh well, I really don’t care and I don’t wanna give a damn right this very moment, I have more issues to attend to than to contemplate on things that’ll come my way. Besides, it’ll come at the right place and at the right tik-tak time – whether I like it or not!

As for now, good luck to me and Happy New Year, star!!!