Thursday, May 31, 2007

22 - 25 May 2007

I dunno if it's just me who has this list of WEIRD dreams. Yes, I’ve got one ... with real weirdo stuff in it! A few days back I was able to bring 2 of those dreams to life, hahaha!
22 May 2007, I didn’t go to work coz I wasn't feeling well. After taking some meds and a li’l mind over matter thingy, I realized that it's not doing me any good - I still don't feel a-ok, even worsening bec of d red hot summer sun. I told my folks to accompany me to the hosp but due to my more worsening condition, I asked them to call an ambulance bec I was already gasping for my breath.
The ambulance arrived after a few mins., the medics team took me from my bed and transferred me to the stretcher. (shit, this is it! Panalo, astig! At long last matutupad na pangarap kong makasakay ng ambulance na ako ang patient'). When I got inside d ambulance, the team immediately gave me oxygen and the next thing I knew we were already moving w/ it's sirens on.
Say 10 mins or so, I find myself at the ER of the CMC, once again I was transferred from 1 stretcher to the other, and same goes with my oxygen supply. Both nurses & doctors were flocking on me. Different medical gadgets & paraphernalias were inserted to the various nerves of my arms. (the more paraphernalias, the more I’m aliw! I never hesitated nor objected everytime the nurses &/or medtechs would clip another tube or even extract blood - d lang nila alam na natutuwa ako sobra! pang photo ops din to!
I was brought to my “suite” around 8.30p … I spent like 3-4 hrs at the ER. Later on, nurses and doctors went in and out of my room to check on me. There was this cutee dr, Dr Hernandez … hmmm :-)
My mom joined me for my 1st night, but for the succeeding nights I opted to be alone in the hosp. I dunno I just feel akward about the fact the someone’s watching me while I’m asleep, plus the fact the she has to go to work the following day … thanks but no thanks, I can manage. During those boring times and I’m all alone in my room, I’d text, watch TV, eat, take a nap, and of course the nurses and dr’s would always keep me company. Good friends and a couple of relatives started to come and visit me the following night, chit-chatting big time, laughters and smiles filled my room.
Once again … “A Dream Come True”! Panalo … a milestone.
I’d like to thank the following people for bringing my dream to life: mom, dad, anna, lilibeth, kuya Erwin, the ambulance team, CMC’s ER team, Dr Chavez, Dr Hernandez, Dr Gonong, Martin, Paolo, and the other dr’s and nurses who took care of me during my ill days ;-)
To my good friends and/or relatives who showed their care and concern: chele & frances, Kathleen, tita ada & mommy, ian a, sir joel, jan & paulo, cris, junna, pau, neph & cissy, john, mokong, ian, tet.
Late is better than never! To Grex and Ivy who graced the last few hours of my stay in the hosp. “dude, it was such a blast!!” Many thanks.
And of course to my sugarfree sweetie … thanks for checking on me every single day. Even though you made “talak” on me during my ER moment, thank you pa din – life would be dull without you around. Most of all, thanks for being there last Friday – starting from our photo ops, to our political chit-chats w/ grex and ivy (kukulet), to pack-up, wheel chair and elevator bloopers, martin blues …. Super Thankss!

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

signal fire

... i felt every ounce of me screaming out,
but the sound was traped deep in me.
... i could be stuck here for a thousand years,
without your arms to drag me out.
"hold me close, coz i need you to guide me to safety"
... in the confusion and the aftermath,
you are my signal fire

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

tsong, bumusina ka naman ...

we just met last holy week, it was maundy thursday to be exact (shempre holy week na nga, karir ever pa din), pero i didn't made him karir talaga. honestly, during those days kasalukuyang tinitigbak-tigbak at kinikilatis ko sha ... feeling ko kze he's gay that's why im so engross na pagmagsdan at mag abang ng mga gay moves nya.
holy week's over and we're back here in manila; back to reality. he texted me and asked me if im free that same night, and yes we went out. had a couple of beers, chips, had coffee and shared stories. that easter night gimmik was followed by another, and another, and another ... and still counting.
i realized and infairness to him, he laid down his cards to me ... he's not gay, yun nga lang babaero sha. not just the usual chick magnet type of guy, sha na ata ang isa sa mga presidente ng mga babaero orgs sa buong mundo ... saksakan ng pagka chickboy si mokong. yun pa, i call him mokong, don't ask na why ... the term MOKONG speaks for how he is :)
as i was saying, we've been going out for a month now ... pero hindi on a romantic level :( (sad, pero that's how it is eh).
now here goes the sadder part ... yes, i fancy him. oo noh, sobrang crush ko kaya sha! kahit alam kong sobrang tarantado nya, ayos lang ... im confident enough na mapapatino ko sha. after a number of night outs na minsan may others pero most of the time "kme lang dalawa". during one of our kampai nights, we had a chance to talk about our lives and discuss our sentiments, problems, dreams, etc on a more mature manner. he laid his card and i laid mine ... panalo, plus the setting, nasa bedroom bar kme - magkatabi kme!
the next thing i knew, split na sila nung gf nya. hala, tinamaan ata si gago sa mga nilitanya ko sa kanya the night before, kaya ayun nakipag split si gago.
on the contrary of his claims, mejo nalalabuan kze ... malabo na magulo. his claims are a bit different from his moves - (1) he treats me out, be it kampai, coffee, dinner, parking fee, as in treat per se, (2) most of the time kme lang dalawa ang lumalabas, (3) humarap na din kme sa common relatives namin together (shempre nawindang sila), (4) he would hug and kiss me on my chick in public (not in the maniac sense), (5) pinag bubukas nya din ako ng pinto ng car, (6) he would often assist / offer a hand pag tatayo ako, (6) he carries my bag pati the paper bag whenever we go shopping, (7) at marami pang ibang kakaiba .... improving na din kme, dati kze 2 cars pa kme paglumalabas, ngayon 1 na lang!
same week when he told me that they're off, after a couple of days, he blurtted it out - "kris, we're back" .... ah ok ... shempre na windang ang lola mo, hindi basta na windang, nagulantang ang mundo ko - BAKITTTTTT?? NO!!!!!!!!!!! :( the following night, we went out, kme lang ulit 2, he told me the whole story, shempre while he was making kwento, i kept myself composed ... as if hindi ako apektado sa recon nila pero deep inside major OUCHHHHH yon noh. at hindi pa don nagtatapos, just last night he asked me to accompany him sa mega mall coz he'll buy na daw an engagement ring ..... POTAHHHHH naman, hindi bawal bumusina. fine, eh di shempre fly ako sa mega, kahit hurting ang beauty ko, gora pa din. ako ang pinapili, ako ang pinadecide at ako ang nag isip kung ano isusulat sa likod ng ring, ANG SAKIT!!!!!!!! he wants me to even fit the ring, wag na sobra na yon. ang naka engrave sa ring, "love mokong" ... walang name nung gurl para pwede daw nya ibigay sa iba if ever things wouldn't work between them (nabuhayan ako ng loob don, may pag asa pa pala ako, nyahahahaha). while having dinner and coffee we we're talking abt his plans for this saturday naman, nyeters ako ba naman ang gusto nyang mag ayos ng lahat, from balloons, to the tarp, rose petals, notes and all ..... ito lang masasabi ko, "manhiddd ka baaaaaaaaaa???!!!!!!! "it's hurtsssssssssssss - like hell" pero shempre, ako naman si bestfriend (as per mokong), dead ma kuno, pretend na wala ako kebs pero deep inside minumura ko na sha - "ponyeta ka, sa kin mo na lang bigay yung sing-sing!"
later we might see each other again ... kung ano ang agenda ewan ko pa .... anything goes.
to sum this all up, tsong, hindi bawal bumusina ... kahit pitik-pitik lang bumusina ka naman
background song: "wala nang iba" by the bloomfields

Monday, May 07, 2007

how to save a life

Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came
Where did I go wrong,
I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you
Where did I go wrong,
I lost a friendSomewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

is it JUST a dream?

A few days back, I had a strange dream, the scenario goes something like this … I was with a guy friend, and there was this villain who’s trying to shoot him on the chest. Because I care so much to that certain guy friend, I went infront of him and I was the one who got shot – right in the middle of my chest. Worse, I took a view of the shot and I saw a big round open-wound.
The next scene shows that I was already doing a-ok. I tried to look at the wound to check out my scar, to my surprise there was no scar … as if I didn’t got shot. Astig dude!
When I woke up, I tried to ignore the dream, but I couldn’t … it bothers me. So the next thing that I did was to interprete my dream … naxx magpaka psychic nanaman ba!? I got the interpretation loud and clear, pero shempre mejo in-denial ako. Here’s how I interprete it …
I was with someone – a guy friend. Kung sino man yung lalakeng kasama ko don, he must be someone special to me (I’m thinking of 2 guys, sino kaya sa kanila?). Then may villain, babarilin sha nung villain, at si ako naman nagpaka bayani, so may unos o may dagok dapat si guy friend, pero since nga “special kuno” sha, sinalo ko kaya ayon ako ang nabaril. Yung tama ng baril sa chest ko means “emotional / romantic” challenge. After a few days, magaling na ako at andon pa din si guy friend, ok na ko … magaling na ako at walang scar yung wound ko. Panalo meaning non, “good karma” yon. I’ll be fine na parang walang nangyari, si guy friend will still be there beside me .
As of the moment, andon pa lang ako scene with the villain. With all the shits that happened last weekend, ewan ko lang kung paano ko ibabangon yung sarili ko (that'll be another entry). I'm bothered :( I feel down ...
I wanna talk you pero siguro hindi muna ... baka matalakan mo nanaman ako.
im missing you.

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Ano nga ba ...

Magkasama nga tayo ...
Para sa iba "date" ang tawag sa madalas nating pagkikita ...
Pero ano nga ba ang totoo?
Ang labo mo kze eh ...
Sasabihin mo sa kin di tayo "talo" pero iba naman pinakikita mo ...
Ano nga ba ang totoo?
Gusto mo rin ba ako?
Kung ako ang tatanungin,
Oo, gusto kita kahit isa kang "mokong"
Eto para sayo ...
Alala mo
Nung tayo ay walang magawa
Nandon ako
Nandon ka at wala nang iba
Sino pa ang hinahanap mo?
Nandito lang naman ako
Anlapit mo
Pagitan ay buntong hininga
Nahuhulog
Sa'yo lang at wala nang iba
Sino pa ang hinahanap mo?
Nandito lang naman ako
Mahal kitaIkaw lang at wala nang iba...
AW!
Ikaw lang ang hinahanap ko
Ikaw lang Ikaw lang
Ikaw lang ang hinahanap ko
Ikaw lang Ikaw lang
Ikaw lang at wala nang iba
Sa sandaling 'to
Puso'y parang lilipad na
Sa sandaling 'to
Sa'yo lang at wala nang iba