i went to work today wearing a white boyfie top, skimpy skirt, and a wedge ... a date outfit huh! i was planning to text this certain guy whom i used to date before i started law school (he's a lawyer), but then i remembered that i'm meeting this guy who i used to go out with sometime last year ... he some sortofa "courted" me but i just can't dig his music .. K-pop, whattha! hahaha

i was on my way, he was on his way ... he's late, he made me wait for like 2 hrs (thaf*ck!, goody i've got tons of things to do in the office), to make the long story short, i opted to call it off. one reason is time and the other one (which weighs more) is i just don't feel like seeing him ... i don't feel like going out with him ... have dinner and a few dwinks, nahhh, i don't feel like it. i may be mean for this, but i just didn't feel like it. not because i'm not ready to date yet, it's just the guy i guess. if it's gonna be "jerky", the lawyer, d*mn i can't wait to see him, hahaha!

oh well, let's see as to who the 1st guy i'll date after that sh*tty break up with popo ... ;) one thing for sure, it must be BEFORE the start school!!!!!!!!!!! haha :p

minsan ...

minsan sa buhay mo kailangan mo gumawa ng mga hakbang na labag sa iyong kalooban, minsan kahit ayaw mo pero dahil kailangan, gagawin mo. minsan hindi mo na nga alam ang tama sa mali. minsan kahit masakit, tatanggapin mo na lang ng pikit mata. minsan kahit sukang-suka ka na, sisikmurain mo pa rin. minsan dahil sa pera, minsan sa pamilya ... pero madalas dahil sa pag-ibig.

di ko pa alam, di pa sigurado ... pero sigurado akong gusto ko nang umalis. pero paano kayo, kayo iniisip ko ... mauulila nanaman kayo, ano bang meron sa inyo at iniiwan kayo? minsan na kong nalagay sa kinalalagyan niyo, alam ko mahirap at sinabi ko sa sarili ko na "walang iwanan". pero may mga bagay na hindi natin kontrolado na siyang nag uudyok sakin na lumisan na.

sana maintindihan niyo ko kung sakaling gawin ko nga yon. sana hindi niyo ko kamuhian sa desisyon kong lisanin kayo...

pasensya na, pero kinlangan ko lang gawin yon para sa sarili ko ... para maghilom ang mga sugat. pasensha kung pati kayo nadamay ...

inuulit ko, di pa naman sigurado. para sa mga hindi maintindihan kung ano pinagsasasabi ko, basta intindihin niyo na lang ako ... kainlangan lang talaga, para sa sarili ko ... patawad kung ngayon madamot ako.

in the deepest of shits!

love gives you the feeling of flying, love gives you a lot of reasons to smile ... also, love gives you that "hunch" feeling when things are on-going behind your back. for a month old relationship, things are supposed be on the sweety sweety moments but i guess mine was one of those who weren't blessed with such.

with the guidance of God, i know things will get better for me. as my friends say, "good riddance" ... im not sure if im ready to hear such statements .. oh well whatever it is, AJA AJA, i will conquer for i know i have Him in my heart and i know He listens and is just right on my side 24/7.

sigh, wish my dad is here ... dad i need your hugs and comforting words ....

the prayer

the prayer: dear God, please deliver me to someone who you think is worthy of me and of my love. deliver him to me if you think im worthy of this guy and of his love. this i ask in Jesus' name, amen.

we were strangers for the longest time ... though we're both aware of each others presence in school, no one ever approached the other, and no one even bothered to introduce us. During our victory party, we came face to face, sat beside each other and did a little chit-chats, but that didn't change things, we still went back to our old ways ... strangers!

during our oath taking as student council officers, we were busy

attending to our own worlds, but on the very same night we cracked the ice. we started making fun of each other over a photo, and that's how it all started. we went out with the group several times, until one day that it was just him and me hanging out.

... and one day, i found myself around his arms ... Alas, He delivered me to him, and him in my arms as well.

THANK YOU GOD!!!

fasting for APB

I remember sometime July I told myself that I don't think I'm ready to enter a relationship, with all those sh*ts from law school, nahhh I don't think so. It was then that I was dating this cutee guy, a real gentleman, a former TV personality ... we dated for quite sometime but due to the conflicts in both our scheds, it didn't worked out, it's all good though, we're still in touch :) Later on, I was introduced to this guy, this time a law student from AUSL. He's like 10 years my junior, he's cute and can relate to my present world (school), but then again since he's much younger than me, our wavelengths wouldn't meet; he's into these things, while I'm in the total opposite .. it's just law school that interests us both, no more, no less.

I was perfectly doing fine in my own little world - work, school, friends and home, until February 2011, when I was asked to run for student council, and so I did, it's a different story though. But it is then which opened the door for me and for this certain guy. We we're technically running under the same party, but we never got the chance to talk (was it purposely, I dunno), until the day the team went out for our victory party. We eventually became close friends in a snap .. people were shocked to actually see us talking and laughing together. He started to text me every single day and we eventually started having dinners and a few bottles together. We enjoyed each other's company, we were comfortable hanging out with one another; no pretentions, no what so ever, we were just being our selves.

One morning, as I raise myself from bed, I heard a voice whispered to my ear saying "marry him" --- DUHHH, as if we are together!?! A few weeks passed and I told myself that if we continue what ever it is that we are doing, I might fall for this guy. At first glance, he's not my kind of guy, na-uh!!! Yes, he's tall, but he's dark. He doesn't drive a car, and he's way different from the guys I've dated in the past. Yeah, he makes me laugh (literally) and I enjoy our sweet arguments and discussions, he's eloquent and he's smart .. still there are somethings that I can't take :( I did things that is so unlikely of me, I risk even my reputation ... now I'm confused, goody school is out.

Sometime last week, I asked him if we could "slowdown" a bit, he agreed and told me that he thinks that that would be better for me too since he's still dating someone (damn whatta jerk huhh). From that day on, we never spoke a word.

I miss him, a lot :( I started to pray and God gave me His words that I should pray for it. Gosh, I'm so lost, signs are vague ... I dunno if I should take his word and wait for him, or was he just crapping out with me when he said that. What about the Words of God, are they really telling me to pray for him and be patient on things, or is it just that I dunno how to discern? Sigh, I dunno. I have to get the answers out of praying, I've gotta do a lot of quiet time in order to decipher things. I've gotta apply the Christian way of getting answers from Him ... I've gotta fast, I'd probably cut down on my food intake, no red meat for the next few days, no alcohol and no cigarettes ... I've gotta discipline myself in order to hear God's voice. I know this will be hard, but I'd rather do this sacrifice and get answers than forever wonder what God wants me to do.

AJA AJA, I can do this, my questions will be answered. To end, always pray the Lord's prayer ...

new endeavor

A lot of people can’t believe that I’m in actually in law school, most of the people around me are shocked, and one way or the other doubting my decision why all of a sudden I’m into this thing … for them, this is just another kick of one of my “trips in life”. For the record, this law school thingy have been in and out of mind since high school days but since I ended up taking my college degree in Miriam, I’ve got no choice but to love the new world (envi) I was into. After college I practiced a profession which obviously is inline with my degree; as the others would say, I’m one of those lucky few who didn’t end up in another field. Thoughts of entering law school crossed my mind again, but since it would take me another 4 years in school, I took up a masters degree instead (at least yon 2 years lang). Then I met someone who happened to be a lawyer (who was then an aspiring politician); we were both attendees to an event in ELJ Tower and we’re both in the wrong lift, haha (olats). This guy together with his buddy encouraged me a lot to enter law school, “it’ll be great if you’ll enter law school blah blah blah” … this went on for yearssss! The idea kept on pondering on my mind, dad and I even had discussions about it; his conditions, advises and/or opinions.

After a few years I became close to a lady law student, she too encouraged me a lot to pursue law school, and all those 3 people gave me tips and advises. Finally, come mid 2009 I arrived into a decision that I will enter law school. And as a cherry on my ice cream, I dreamt of dad expressing his happiness that I will give it a shot.

I was both excited and scared on this new endeavor, people are expecting a lot from me (pressure ito), while there are some who were betting as to how long I can endure law school. Some say I wouldn’t be able to give up my social life which would lead me in quitting. To be honest, I, myself was having doubts as well, not about giving up my social life because I know I can discipline myself (it’s just setting what your priorities are, naxx) but because I have this notion that law school is gruel and hell (that’s actually one of the reasons why it took me a while to decide). Would I be able to manage the readings considering that I’m actually not a fan of it (except for the Harry Potter series) --- “reading”, a must in law school. Can I allot at least 4 hours a day to study (soo not me, pang 3 subjects na aralan na yan nung college, gosh!).

March 2010, a week before the campaign period I took the entrance exam in FEU (ang hirap ha, specially the math), the results were released Holy Week, I passed, YAHOO!! Next stage, interview and essay writing, PATAY! I was interviewed by the Assoc Dean of the Institute of Law and she was also the one who asked me to write an essay about “good leadership” chuva, and so I did. Later on, after a short discussion about my essay, she uttered “…and welcome to law school”, OH YES, SUCH MUSIC TO MY EARS!!! Law school, here I come!

15 June 2010, day 1, I took the MRT and LRT going to and from school (ayoko nang ulitin, haha). 17 June, day 2, assignment for our Crim class was posted in the bulletin board (ayos, di pa nagmi-meet may assignment agad at ang dami ha, exage!). 19 June, day 4 --- 1^st meeting for our Crim class, 3 studes were asked to step out of the room and all late studes weren’t allowed to join the class. As for us who were in class that morning, we weren’t allowed to take our seats until we got to answer his QUESTIONSSSS correctly, and so it ended with the entire class standing, WINNER! -- This is it, this law school, this is just the start and so I say to myself, “welcome to law school Jenz”!

3½ months passed and YES I survived the 1^st sem (I’m crossing my fingers that it’ll be with “flying colors”, well we’ll see when I get hold of my class cards). It was a combination of shits and smiles; a mixture of caffeine, cigarettes and a spoonful of p*t@ng in@s. Though the IL life may be gruelsome 24/7 and hell at times, I opt to continue this journey.

Law school is not for everyone, it’s for those people who have passion for reading (or those open to the idea that they’ll acquire the passion); it’s for those who have the strength to be humiliated at times by their power tripper professors; it’s for those who are willing to give up gimmicks in lieu of studying, beer for coffee, salary for tuition, etc; and it’s for those who are willing to spend another 4 years in school just to pass 1 long draining exam. A friend once told me, “in law school you’re not competing with your classmates, instead you’re competing with yourself “. In law school, “stress” is expressed while “fun” is implied.

Ituloy ang Laban sa pagbabago! (pagbabago?!? Hahaha)

just a thought

i was out last night with a long time girl friend 'til we both ponder on the topic whether or not i'm ready to enter into a relationship again ... and yes up to know, im still asking myself the same question, am i?

after quite a day of in and out thoughts about the matter, i must admit it that im afraid to enter into one right now, but of course i miss cuddling someone, being with someone and all that bf-gf stuff. but im not sure if i would be able to manage to be into one and at the same time be in law school. things are a lot different now, time and attention is such a very important ingredient in law school, and same goes in a relationship as well. probably if the guy is from school or a lawyer perhaps, then it would it be easier, for he knows what kind of shit im dealing with.

the fact is that i wouldn't be able to go out and spend time with him as much as i want to, school is my priority and that will remain until i get to be a lawyer. if the guy would be someone from the other field of profession, then it would be difficult to understand where im coming from; whenever he would ask me out, be it for a important event or a plain gimmik and i decided to stay home and study ... im sure it wouldn't be fine from his end and as for me, i would also have a hard time concentrating for i know he's out there (and the possibility of flirting would always be there); and if i decided to join him, then i wouldn't be able to study for my class the following day. one will definitely suffer, and of course i wouldn't like that to happen.

i wanna give all my best in school, and i also wanna give all the love i could give for him, but how? oh well, ill cross the bridge when i get there, i know for a fact that when im there, i would always find a way, who doesnt anyways, haha ;)

let's see .........

Indulged in Law

the others might not believe and some may think that i'm just playing that all these are just for kicks, lemme tell this to you straight, I'M NOT, and i'm damn serious about this thing.

YES, i'm in law school and luckily i'm having fun. daily requirements may be tough but i'm surviving, some teachers may be harsh and a few are trippers but i've got no choice, gotta deal with them :( (poor students). i know for a fact that there are people out there whose eyes are on me, there are people who have already judged me for what they think, well sorry guys but this is it ... i've always wanted to be a lawyer and now i'm living my dreams. i know it wouldn't be an easy journey; a lot of tests (literally and figuratively) will come my way, i've gotta be intellectually ready, emotionally prepared, physically fit and spiritually guided in order to surpass them all. with the proper thinking and support from the people who cares, i know that one day i'll earn that four letter prefix to be attached to my name, "ATTY." :)

my life have changed since the school started, i learned to say NO to night outs and coffee parties, i haven't been to a mall or a movie house since then, haven't been visiting friends for a simple chill, and refused to mingle with some relatives and friends when the drop by to visit either my mom and/or my bro ... i'm not being rude or sumthin, i just simply have to prioritize school over a few things. this will be it for the next four years of my life, i've gotta train myself more everyday and adjust to these changes. life in law school may be hard but outstanding perks and numerous reward awaits those who are deserving.

in school, i also get my share of "i don't knows", that's part of it, even lawyers, judges and the justices tend to forget things .. all i could say is that i'm just starting, i'm still adjusting and adopting to the "ways of life", wait for me coz i know that soon i would be a better student than that of who i'am today.

i never imagined that there will be a time that i will just be sitting in front of table with a lit lamp and do nothing but read, read and read. aside from reading the textbook, i've also gotta be reading tons of cases and memorize the assigned articles. actually i figured out that when the prof says READ, he really meant MEMORIZE, damn huhh! it's both fun and exhausting at the same time, you'll also have that rewarding feeling every time you delivered the right answer, but everyday is a recit day, meaning, you have to work your butt every single day and night in order to pass all your classes. an average grade 78% is required from all students in order to keep your residency, failure of such then you're debarred ... gotta find another school ... nahhh! wont allow that to happen, i've started in FEU, then i shall graduate in FEU.

living this dream is not just for me, but also to my deceased father ... all these efforts are for him, and of course, TO GOD BE THE GLORY!!!

trial before judgement ...

before going to bed last night, i prayed to God and asked him to give me a concrete sign with regard to a certain guy, whether or not i shall move on and proceed to the next page or wait for things to unfold. i woke up around 10am and as part of my morning routine, i turned on my laptop, checked my email and checked out my FB page. to my surprise i saw a picture of him together with a girl, and that pissed me off .. BIG TIME. it ruined my day and my bad words meter reached it's limit for i kept on repeating the PI word. i was so damn pissed until around 9.30pm when he sent me a text, asking how i was. i pretended to be fine and even started asking him questions regarding other matters. but he insisted on asking how i am, until he finally blurted it out that he sensed that things aren't doing well on my mind that's why he sent me that message to check on me (sweet). i told him the truth that there's this 1 thing that's bothering me, but of course i didn't tell him what exactly it is. rather i focused on the idea that since he's a bit sensitive about other people's feelings which he could actually feel (if he's not lying), i told him that he has psychic abilities, he's an empath that needs more practice in order to get the precise reading.

with that psychic ability of his, i freaked out since i'm not ready to be read by other people aside from my dad who often feels me and so with my psychic friends (given). i told him i should start putting protection on myself for him not to penetrate me (though i know he's doing it subconsciously), OR, i shall distance myself from him ... which with the matter that pissed me off is not far from happening. he asked me why do i have to distance myself from him, i answered his question and he gave me a reply saying, "dont distance yourself from me pls". the exchange of texts went on for a li'l while more, until it finally ended.

reading back our exchange of text messages and contemplating on my prayer last night, God gave me a concrete answer indeed. i heard it straight from the horses mouth, "dont distance yourself from me pls". for this, i wanna apologize to God for all those silly things that i've said earlier, for concluding right that very minute.

now, lemme end this with a prayer ...

Dear God, I thank you for another answered prayer. I thank you for listening to me last night. I'm sorry for all the bad words that i blurted out since this morning. As of this very moment, I could think anything but to smile and enjoy the rest of the minutes before I close my eyes to sleep. I wanna apologize to the people who have heard my rant earlier, please help to go thru it. This I ask in Jesus' name, Amen :)

hitting the books big time!

To date, I'm seriously entertaining thoughts of entering Law School. I've always wanted to pursue this studies but dad refused every time I blurt it out. He thought that I was just being pushed by friends coz most of them are lawyers. He said that I'm in the marrying age and that will give up my career and have a new set of priorities. This went on for sometime, until a few months before he passed away and we seriously discussed the issue, I told him that I'm still on-the-go for it and I'm still crossing my fingers that he would let me, and yes, after that conversation he finally gave me his blessing and told me that he's confident enough that I would take the matter seriously. I was planning to attend to the application requirements during the 1st quarter of 2008, but I suddenly left the Country for Dubai.

I arrived back in Manila (for good) last April, the Law School thought never left my mind even when I was in Dubai. Until August of the same year when I finally told myself that I don't wanna leave the Country again for work except if the offer would be in Greece (then that's the only time I would have 2nd thoughts on it).

After all these exposures from all the lawyer friends that I've got, I really wanna give it a shot. Francis (together with Greco) is now giving me a feel of how it's gonna be like, and I say, "the hell!!!! WTF, do I really have to read, understand and MEMORIZE all these laws and cases?!? what about my life?!?". I never stopped from ranting, ranting left and right, pop-out clouds are mushrooming left and right every time I'm faced with all those books I was assigned to read.

Inspite of all those rants and complains that I have, I know deep within that I can manage and I'm starting to enjoy all those pages. But the thing that scares me the most is that, what ever it is that I'm doing right now, it'll be double, triple or even quadruple of everything the minute I enter Law School. I know for a fact that I can discipline myself from all those gimmicks and tambays, but I dunno if I can manage to read/study every single day with a minimum of 5 hrs reading, WHOA!!! Will I be ready for the daily recits, would I be able to memorize all those laws, would I manage to read and understand all the assigned readings? Sigh, I dunno ... I really dunno. I think I have to start looking for a memory booster as early as now to condition my body and brain from the things I'm planning to do.

As for the schools, I'm only considering 4, and these are the following (reasons included. School in order of priority) ...

1. FEU - Included in the Country's Top 10 Law Schools. NRR's alma mater. Doesn't have school uniform for the Institute of Law. Francis would be around for a year. (2nd thoughts: parking issue)

2. UST - Included in the Country's Top 10 Law Schools. Nearer than FEU. (2nd thoughts: Uniform. Parking.)

3. Arellano - Included in the Country's Top 10 Law Schools. No uniform. Parking inside the Campus. Ivy, Charm and LJ would be around. (2nd thoughts: kinda far, Taft Ave.)

4. San Sebastian - Tito Dindo can help me enter the Program. Can manage to find a car sticker, c/o Tito Dindo. (2nd toughts: Not sure of the School's ranking. Not sure if they require uniform.)

Come Friday I would be able to get my original copies of TOR and Good Moral certs from MC, I already asked Greco to prepare a Good Moral as well. By the 1st week of March (before NRR's death anniv) I would be jumping from one school to the other filing my application. I will go thru those exams and interviews and the minute I get the results, it's time to pick which school I shall enroll myself at.

I'll do everything I can to convince mom to shoulder my tuition, even if it takes all the money from my insurance, etc. Once I'm officially in, I'll do my best to survive! I'll do this because I've been wanting this since I graduated from College, and I'll be offering this for NRR...

"this is for you, wish you're still around!"

2010 "to do list"

1. learn how to cook -- im climbing d charts now :)
2. stick to a daily beauty regimen to ward off skin aging
3. read a book at least once a month -- 2 books down now (plus d consti books im reading right now)
4. go on a retreat
5. dare to try out a new trend
6. face a fear
7. fall in love
8. do something new with my hair --- done, 05 jan
9. vote
10. go get crazy for a night
11. paint, even if i dunno how
12. donate to a charity
13. learn the hellenic language
14. spend a day with jeff (+ taking d public transpo) --- done (yun nga lang walang commute, haha)
15. maintain a weight not exceeding 108 lbs
16. visit sarah, nadia & vangelis in hellas
17. move out

..... will add if necessary ;)

date last updated:

14 feb

happiness defined ...

Nowadays, many dads are so busy being a “provider” that they tend to forget an important role in their lives … them, simply being a dad! They miss out on an important segment in the lives of their children – the growing up years. It is during this period when the dads are so involved in work, doing all they could to provide the best for their loved ones, but the irony of it all is that this is the very action that keeps them away from spending quality times with their kids!

The growing stage of a child’s life so fast, so transitory. This is the time when folks can enjoy them in the springtime of their lives. This relationship will never be the same again.

Not a few dads who have reached the pinnacle of success in their profession end up with hardly any choice memory of their kids as youngsters. There was no sense of closeness with them during those years.

Dads need to be dads before anything else. The male image is a vital factor in the growing up process of both sons and daughters. They are irreplaceable. In His plan of procreation, God decreed that every child be born from the union of a male and a female – the mother AND the father who would take care of His children on Earth.

My dad’s marriage may have not worked out well, but as a daughter, I can say that he’s one great father. Inspite of his hectic schedule as a private contractor, consultant and a CP, never did he forget his fatherly duties and responsibilities to me and to my brother. He always had time to play with us, join us in meals, teach us with our lessons, drive us to school, etc etc. I guess I’m one of those lucky few who was blessed with a super dad :)

A few months back, a good friend of my dad told me that he once asked him for the meaning of happiness, he answered, “it’s when you know that your children knows how much you love them, and seeing them reciprocating the love back to you”. Upon hearing that, I burst into tears … who wouldn’t?

Here’s a story I read from a mag …

“A devoted father was ushered into the hospital room where his 7 y/o son was near death’s door from an incurable disease.

The boy said, “Dad, am I going to die?”
“Why do you ask, son? Are you afraid to die?”

Looking up with trusting eyes, the boy replied, “Not if God is like you, daddy.”

Now, lemme ask you, are this kind of a father???