New Year!

New year … New hopes, new happenings, new issues, new frustrations and more new happy and/or depressing things that’ll come the way.

But have you ever wondered on what’s there to come? Sigh, I dunno what’s instore for me for this year … Lead me Lord.

Will I be strong enough as the past years? Will I still have the courage I posses, will I still be able to handle things the way I used to? Will I still endure life as it is?

A lot of people including my family think’s I’m strong and brave. But honestly, I’m a weakling … brave??, yeah, to face all my curiosity and to satisfy my hunger on things, but to face problems and heartaches, dang! I’m a weakling! I’m like an infant who needs to be cuddled … a helpless infant who does nothing but weep.

Suicide thoughts, O.D. attempts, smoking my lungs out, are just a few things I used to do whenever I have problems which I can’t pacify … will I still indulge into those things this year??? – Nahh (hopefully not), I made a “pinky swear” with duuude.

But what is it that’s really there, waiting to be unwrapped and explored? Oh well, I really don’t care and I don’t wanna give a damn right this very moment, I have more issues to attend to than to contemplate on things that’ll come my way. Besides, it’ll come at the right place and at the right tik-tak time – whether I like it or not!

As for now, good luck to me and Happy New Year, star!!!

pinky swear

Have you ever love someone so dearly that regardless of everything and anything, you simply love her/him? … you really do, in my case, I really do!!! I say that the kind of love I have for her is “unconditional”. Yeah, you read it right, UNCONDITIONAL, such a strong word huhh!! (there goes my lawyer-friend, copyright pal.) That one time you found yourself crying over someone out of love, because you can feel the love is flowing strongly within your system … the feeling is kinda weird na scary pero masaya na ang galling! – astig dude!

I don’t know how to explain it, or how to expound things … all I know is that I love her and there’s nothing in this world that could ever change the way I’m feeling. I’m happy and I’m contented … ‘couldn’t ask for more! If I were to be asked whether or not I wanna spend the rest of my life with her, I’d say … YES, I’d love to!!!

Now, here goes the other side, … will there be a change of heart??!!?? NO!!!!! wahhhhh!!! I dunno how I’ll take that news if that thing would happen. Yesterday she gave me the assurance that she loves me and she wont leave me, I even asked for a pinky swear (it’s so kiddo, but just for reinforcement). She told me that she wants our relationship to work, and so do I … Oo talaga!!!

Oh well … I’ll just take it from there and count on her that she’ll be true to her words. TRUST her!!! Yeah, trust her that she’ll mark them all (regardless of the situation).

I love her and that will always be the case until my dying day!!!

Before I finally end this entry, I just want her to know that “I love you soo much!!! I know what I’m saying … I say what I mean and mean what I say! Duuude, :)

undas 2005 @ rembrandt ;)

More Today Than Yesterday

I don't remember what day it was

I didn't notice what time it was

All I know is that I fell in love with you

And if all my dreams come true

I'll be spending time with you

Every day's a new day in love with you

With each day comes a new way of loving you

Every time I kiss your lips my mind starts to wander

And if all my dreams come true

I'll be spending time with you

Oh, I love you more today than yesterday

But not as much as tomorrow

I love you more today than yesterday

But, darling, not as much as tomorrow

Tomorrow's date means springtime's just a day away

Cupid, we don't need ya now, be on your way

I thank the lord for love like ours that grows ever stronger

And I always will be true

I know you feel the same way too

Oh, I love you more today than yesterday

But not as much as tomorrow

I love you more today than yesterday

But only half as much as tomorrow

31st freak, hugs hugs hugsss!!!

wala lang ...

Anong petsa na? Nobyembre na, sa isang linggo Disyembre na!!! Anak ng potah Pasko nanaman, wala pa kong nabibiling mga regalo para sa mga peoplets, inaanak at shempre para kay Kyla ... but I already have an idea of what to buy for my parents, grandparents, my inaanaks and to Kyla shempre. I'm planning to go shopping come December, once I'm out of the shitty office I'm currently connected with. Gastos ito, hindi enough ang sweldo ... isa lang ibig sabihin nito --- ang mag WITHDRAW!!! wahhhhhhhh mahigit isang dosena ang mga inaanak ko, wala pa don yung ibang kidlets na anak ng mga friends and cousins ... whoa diba, as in WHOA!!!

On the other hand, usapang lovelife naman tayo .... uhmmm, masaya ... kakilig, and the cutest part of it all, I could still feel some "butterflies" .... astig!!! :-) Shempre misunderstandings arises once in a while, it's good that we were able to settle things kaagad. Minsan nakakapikon, pero iniisip ko na lang na walang maidudulot na maganda pag pinatulan ko yung kapikonan na 'yon ... konting pasensya, konting tiis, usap na matino, plus lambing = ayos, tapos ang problema! ;-)

i love you

Duuude,

i dunno how to start this entry, i'll try to make this a good one though (and not mushy).

i just want to thank you for coming into my life and gracing it as well. i didnt know what i was missing until our paths crossed.

i just want you to know that I LOVE YOU soo much!

~ sometimes you dunno what strucked you, how you'll explain the way you're feeling, all you know is that you're happy and you cant stop thanking God and the Universe for giving you something that's worth more than you're life~

KMSM

It’s been eight long years since I last indulged myself in the other side of life - I’ve been living a straight life since then … and one morning I woke up admitting to myself that, “yes, I do love her!!!”.

A lot of questions were bugging my mind, (1) whether to commit myself or not, (2) is this a right thing to do, (3) will I have regrets, (4) is she worth it, (5) am I really inlove or just infatuated, (6) how about my family and friends, (7) my image, (8) am I ready for this? … And yes, I answered all my questions, and I wanna share them all with you …. (1) if it’s gonna be with her, YES I’m ready and I’m willing to commit myself, (2) honestly, I don’t really care whether this is a right thing or not, besides it’s just us, humans, who judges what is right and/or wrong. At this very moment, what’s important is that I’m happy and I’m not doing this at the expense of others, (3) I like her … I want this! NO REGRETS! All in the name of LOVE, (4) Yes, SHE is worth it!, (5) I’m inlove! I know that I’m inlove because I’m going an extra mile for her, if this is just infatuation or whatever, damn … I know my limits and I’m not the type who’ll go beyond those limits, considering that I’m dealing with a girl here, (6) with regards as to what my family and friends would say or comment on the issue, well … I don’t care! Everybody is entitled to think and say what they want, on how they look at things …why give a damn, it’s just a waste of time! Besides it’s not them who’s gonna be dealing with her, it’s gonna be ME! This is my life, I’m the driver and God is my navigator! God speaks to me thru my heart, (7) hmmm Image, what you see is what you get! I’m human like everybody else. Happiness can’t be bought … we only live once, so we better make the most out of it. If you wanna live life to the fullest, try getting out of the square. Follow what you’re heart desires, but be sure that you’ll have no regrets … and be ready to take the consequences of your actions. (8) as what I’ve said, YES I’m ready! That’s why I’m here standing in front of you all, confessing my love to KMSM!!!

Renewal of Vows ...

I just got home from a very memorable and fun weekend trip. I, together with my Guru and a bunch of brothers and sisters (psychically speaking) went to Lemery, Batangas to do a certain ritual.

We started around 9:30PM, September 24, 2005. Everybody was dressed in Malong/Sarong, and the rest is history ;)

Aside from the ritual that we did, we also had a lot of time to relax and enjoy each others company, laughter, cheers and smiles were in the air. We were all having a great time.

Each of us, considering all our differences blended so well with each other, especially with our Guru. I love my Guru so much, he’s one cool and gorgeous guru!!

Next trip, Mt Banahaw!!! (...can't wait ;) )

The Archers Rules!!!

The DLSU Green Archers did it again!!! Sigh, poor eagles ... they're such a living peice of LOSSERSSSSssss!!!! ;)

The score, 72 -55.

My Haring Bakal Experience

September 13, 2005, I, together with Guru Razuli and some other MG classmates, headed to Harrison Plaza to meet Ka-Emil, the leader of the famous “Haring Bakal” society.

I really have no plans of getting initiated, I just went with the group to show my support to my classmates who wants to get a taste of the “bolo”. When we reached ka-Emil’s place, he first asked us as to how many would want to get initiated, we were 16 all in all (6 gurls and 10 guys), only 7 hands went up the air. A brief discussion was done, question and answer … laughs and all.

Not long enough, at around 8:30 in the evening, we were then asked to move to the “initiation room” so we could start. Ka-Emil told the ones to be initiated to call his/her God and asked for forgiveness and guidance that he/she’ll surpassed and survived the hit of the bolo. Ayee went first, she was hit thrice; right thigh, left thigh and at the stomach. She got strucked and later on burst into tears. Ayee was then followed by ate Lea, then JP. For the guys, three hits at their right thigh and three more hits at their stomach. The moment JP left the spot, I stood up my chair and approached the spot … slowly sat down, closed my eyes, hands strongly griped on the chair’s side, and turned to God. I asked for extra strength, guidance and protection. I also asked for forgiveness for “missing the spot”. I prayed “the Lord’s prayer” and the “Hail Mary”. I even called my angels, shikagami friends and other the Higher Beings (yes, I know I do sound scared and desperate, hahaha). When my eyes were closed, I know I was able to reach the “alpha level”, it was dark all over and all I could see was a small door at the end of the tunnel, the small door was the only one lit! I honestly got scared, death thoughts were roaming over my mind, will this be my time? I was so paranoid that even the “skull” in my “tawas” crossed my mind. It was then that I said to myself that “Thy Will Be Done”, I kept on uttering that line over and over again. Inspite of my fears, worries and all, I strongly believed that God will not fail me, that I will survive the initiation, and I’m here and all my protectors will project me with all their energies to shield my physical body.

First hit, right thigh! It damn hurts! Second hit, left thigh! “OMG, please me help out”! Third and last hit, stomach (mine was an inch above my bellybutton). The pain was indescribable, it was the pain of pains, the King of Pains, it was PAIN per se. I opened my eyes and made myself walk to my classmates, ate Lea hugged me tight, then I started bursting into tears. I was in so much pain, my stomach hurts the most, at the same time I cried because I felt “reborn”; it was an amazing feeling, and also, I was grateful to God for he didn’t let me down. The moment I got a li’l sober, I checked my stomach and to my surprise it’s just bruise and a slight red line of blood (like a cat’s scratch).

I got home around 1am, I immediately checked my thighs because I can feel it’s a bit swollen already, and “it is”! I guess my right thigh was the one hit the most because of its HUGE bruise.

After surviving the 3 slashes of bolo, I felt a certain amazement within, a feeling of accomplishment. I was so proud of myself that I was able to go thru it, that I had the courage which the other people doesn’t have. It’s such a great feeling, just don’t mind the pain that comes with it. Above all, I’m so grateful to God, Almighty, because He didn’t left me alone. Same goes to all my guardian angels, shikagami friends, the Higher Beings and to “Fame”, who I know one way or another helped me go through the Haring Bakal initiation.

Also, I once again proved that “death is death. When it’s your time, regardless of everything, no matter where you are and what you’re doing, death will come unto you, and you can’t do anything about it, just to embrace it”. As for me, last night wasn’t my time yet, God wants me to stay here on Earth to fulfill other duties.

Remember, “Thy Will Be Done”!

the apple of my eye ...

My life wouldn't be complete without my dear Kobe

Theme Song: You've Got A Friend

I first met him at one of the multi-national offices in Ortigas way back year 2000. He, together with his five other classmates were “in-turns” in the office then. He projects this “stiff” image in the office – maybe because he’s the leader or something. We’re not close at all, a simple exchange of hi’s, hello’s, good morning and goodbye, no more no less.

A couple of months later, he was absorbed by the office. Though we’re not that close, I felt glad because ALAS!!, another junior staff was hired. Days, weeks, and months passed and we became close. We would often have yosi breaks together, sometimes have lunch together and at times, simply hang out after work. Yes, we became good friends!

Year 2003, we both left the office … we also lost track of each other for quite sometime. But the lost months all paid off when we started to go out last December 2004. We did a lot of catching up and we even shared some big time secrets … and we took it from there.

This guy saved me from a lot of life’s miseries. He’s my human diary :) I dunno what else is better in this world than having a buddy like him …

To date, this guy is now my best bud, my confidante, my all season friend, my advisor, he’s a F-R-I-E-N-D per se!