fine fine fine!! yes, i do miss him ... if that's what you wanna hear.

it's been a week now since i last saw the doctor. thing's changed since i started to give him a cold shoulder, then another blow a few saturdays back when i told him the reason why i'm so pissed with him .. but i came to his clinic last tuesday and we we're both happy to see each other, he invited me for lunch but i refused in order to accommodate other things on my itinerary. he gave me a call last friday, and last night, we were exchanging text messages, but i want more! i wanna see him, i really wanna see him ...

i know this is so unlikely of me, considering that i like him a lot, but would you believe that i never allowed him to held my hand, to kiss me hello and/or goodbye on the cheek, or even to hug me. he would always ask me for a "hello / goodbye" beso everytime we're together, or even to held my hand or he would sometimes say it aloud that he missed me, that he's happy to see me and gesturing his arms to hug him back .... but i never did so. the reason for this is that i'm afraid to have my feelings confirmed, i'm afraid to feel the electricity run thru my veins, it's weird and i dunno why i'm feeling like this towards him, 1st time to be like this, honest.

weird! really really weird, considering that he's not the 1st married guy whom i'm crushing, there's the hottest lebanese guy and the fiscal whom i kissed back after we've gone out for months ... but how come with him i am this hesitant? what's hindering me considering the fact that he's annulled? why am i acting this way? why am i pulling back myself on him? who is he? are my instincts telling me not to, or am i just being too paranoid?

questions. there goes another bunch of my questions. answers, there are no answers as of the moment :( now, how do i get the answers to my questions? will i get it by just sitting still or is there a need for me to let go of my inhibitions and let the universe do the rest?? sigh ...